Trump drops out of race

trump1NEW YORK (BS) – Donald Trump suspended his presidential campaign April 1. Once Trump learned the Constitution gives the president only limited powers and requires the Chief Executive to live in Washington, DC, at the White House. He doesn’t like Washington and Trump couldn’t afford the pay cut.

“I never expected all these dummies to vote for me,” Trump said. “What’s wrong with them?”

Gov. John Kasich is expected to gain most Trump candidates as the establishment heaps praise on Sen. Ted Cruz.


WASHINGTON (BS) – The U.S. House of Representatives passed legislation with a veto-proof majority to repeal the Affordable Care Act. Bipartisan support was the difference for H.B. 4141 compared to the other 100 Republican-only repeal attempts.

The bill, also known as the Repeal Insolvent Pills Act, moves to the Senate where it is expected to receive immediate consideration. “I knowed it was just a matter of time,” Senate Boss Mitch McConnell said.

The RIP Act was introduced by freshmen Reps. Imma Notreal (D-ME) and Hank Laughin (R-NV). The president is expected to sign it.


WASHINGTON (BS) – Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and his leadership team are the latest victims of the do-nothing-Senate. The Republican caucus, led by renegade Sen. Johnnie B. Badd (R-TN), passed a no confidence vote on McConnell, whip John Cornyn (R-TX) and Republican Conference Chair John Thune (R-SD) April 1.

Some experts interpret the action as a threat aimed at the Republican National Committee should it attempt shenanigans at the 2016 presidential convention in Cleveland. Others see the move as a good government measure and an attempt to reassure voters before the November election.


RIYDH (BS) – Saudi Arabia dropped 1,000 paratroops to the east of Tal Afar, Syria, and west of Mosul, Iraq, early April 1. A two-hour battle ensued before ISIS was routed, Saudi Gen. Ali Shazam said.

Another 25,000 Saudi infantrymen are expected to arrive by midday as the defenders of the faith prepare to drive the Islamic terrorists out of the oil-rich north of Iraq. The Saudis said this is a Muslim fight and no Westerners are needed.


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